Codependent pastoral leadership - It's exausting!

How many pastoral leaders are codependent?  How many pastors are "attached" to the people and problems in their environment?  By "attachment" I don't mean normal feelings of being concerned about people, helping people with problems, and serving others in the world.  What I mean by attachment is to have a tendency to "need" to become over-involved, hopelessly entangled in the lives of others.  Codependent pastoral leaders have a huge need for being Mr. Answer man or Ms. Answer women, as well as not letting others take responsibility for themselves.  Codependent pastoral leaders have a tendency to surround themselves with excessively needy people in hopes to become the "ONE" to care-take the individual.  Have you ever come across a pastor who has the tendency to become obsessed with and controlling of the people and problems in their environment?  What about the pastor who is so preoccupied (excessively worried) with the problems or persons in the "church," so much so, that the needs of their family go unmet?  Emotionally dependents, caretakers, rescuers are all names that fit the codependent pastor.  What is the end result?  BURNOUT!!!  I mean burned out emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  How many congregations are serving under such pastoral leadership?

John Maxwell had said, "You can't lead people, if you need people."  There are many pastors out there that are codependent on people (the flock) and their problems.  What is the codependent pastor to do?  The answer is found in one word: DETACHMENT.  "What do you mean DETACH-that is not godly!!!"  Easy...let me explain.  Detachment is not a cold, hostile withdrawal; not a shrinking of our true responsibility to others; a serving of our relationships.  Detachment is not a removal of love and concern for others.  Detachment means we mentally, emotionally, and physically disengage ourselves from unhealthy entanglements with another person's life and responsibilities, and from problems we cannot solve (If your are a pastoral leader can you say, "AMEN!"). Melody Beattie said, "Detaching does not mean we don't care.  It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy.  We stop creating all the chaos in our minds and environments.  When we are not anxiously and compulsively thrashing about, we become able to make good decisions about how to love people (lead people), and how to solve our problems.  We become free to care and to love in ways that help others and not hurt ourselves (or are family)...Sometimes detachment even motivates and frees people around us to solve their own problems."   

I am trying to put "detachment" into practice  in my own life.  For example, I am learning to DETACH when I leave to go home from church.  I'm learning to stop thinking, talking about, and emotionally disengage from people and their problems.  I'm learning to detach from unhealthy criticism, from emotionally unhealthy people, as well as gluing myself to all the problems and concerns in the church.  The list goes on...and on, but I'm making an effort--how about you? 

Comments

[scott hodge]

Good reminder man, thanks...

[Susan David]

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