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The Strings of People-Pleasing

People-please-rs “want everyone around them to be happy and they will do whatever is asked of them to” keep it that way, according to Susan Newman, Ph.D. 

The Apostle Paul dealt with the challenge of becoming a people-pleaser, he said, "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." 

The challenge to shed our need to "people please" will be a catalyst for many of us, in the pursuit of finding our "true selves." Finding our true selves strikes at the core of true spirituality. Many of us have no idea who we really are, and in return feel very "un-spiritual," because we have spent our lives trying to please others.  

People pleasing is exhausting! It can feel crushing at times! We spend our lives not wanting to disappoint those around us, and in return we internally burnout.  

Anyone in leadership who engages in a life of people-pleasing will not last long emotionally or spiritually. However, it's the temptation every leader goes through at some point on the journey. When we submit to this temptation of becoming man-pleasers, we end up hallow on the inside, and not living in our own soul. 

Jesus knew what is was like to feel the pressure from the expectations of others.  In living faithfully to his true self, however, Jesus disappointed a lot of people. Jesus knew who he was, and what he was here to do in his mission. Jesus remained faithful to the Father, and not to the expectations of others.

Jesus, living in his self (taken from the book, Daily Office, by Peter Scazzero)

• He disappointed his family to the point where his mother and siblings woundered if he was out of his mind (Mark 3:21). 

• He disappointed the people he grew up with in Nazareth. When Jesus declared who he really was - the Messiah - they tried to throw him off a cliff (Luke 4:28-29).

• He disappointed his closest friends, the 12 disciples. The projected things onto him about what they wanted him to do and be. When he failed to meet their expectations they quit on him.

• He disappointed the crowds who followed him. They wanted an earthly Messiah who would feed them, fix all there problems, overthrow the Roman oppressors, work miracles, and give inspiring sermons. They walked away from him.

• He disappointed the religious leaders. 

What might be one specific way that you give in to the expectations of others rather than be faithful to what Jesus has for you? 

Stages of life and the factors that shape them.

What shapes a person's attitude:

Stages of Life        Factors

• Pre-birth:    Inherent personality/temperament - Who am I.
• Birth:          Environment - What's around me.
• Ages 1-6:    Word expression/adult acceptance/affirmation - What I hear.
• Ages 6-10:   Self-image/exposure to new experiences - What I feel.
• Ages 11-21:  Peers/physical appearance - Who influences me.  How I see myself.
• Ages 22-61:  Marriage/family/job/success/assessment of life - Our security/status

How do you see YOU?

How important is positive self-image to a leader?  John Maxwell, in his book, Attitude 101 says,

It is impossible to perform consistently in a manner inconsistent with the way we see ourselves.  In other words, we usually act in direct response to our self-image...

...and how we see ourselves reflects how we see others, and how others see us.  If we like ourselves, it increases the odds that others will like us.  Self-image sets the parameters for the construction of our attitudes.  We act in response to how we see ourselves.  We will never go beyond the boundaries that stake out our true feelings about ourselves.  Those "new territories" can be explored only when our self-image is strong enough to give us permission to go there.