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Reflecting on Mentoring

How much do we give of ourselves into those who are within our inner-circle? How much of ourselves do we invest in mentoring individuals with the intent of the mentee reproducing themselves in others? 

In the last few years I have taken the art of mentoring very seriously (maybe, it's because I turned 38 years old...anyway).  I've been reflecting regularly about what kind of mentor I desire to be, as well as what kind of things I am reproducing in those I have the privilege of mentoring. 

I have also pondered about how Jesus mentored and reproduced His leadership in His disciples.  Ironically enough, I came across a short article by John Maxwell entitled, "Jesus Had a Great IDEA to Equip Others"...Consider Jesus' IDEA of how to mentor and reproduce leadership in someone else (Thanks Maxwell):

I nstruction: Jesus verbally taught them.  He constantly used daily routines to instruct them in leadership.

D emonstration: Jesus modeled truth and let His men observe His life.  He provided show-and-tell.

E xperience: Jesus let his disciples participate and apply the truths themselves. They to practice.

A ssessment: Jesus debriefed their shared experience.  He assessed their growth and gave them direction. 

RAMBO CHURCH

Paintball, TERMINATOR STYLE!  We had over twenty-five men and youth and played RAMBO for 3 hours.  Our men at Christ Church International (including our male staff) shot it up at MN Pro Paintball.  I have over 15 paintball welts on my back (pictures of THAT coming soon).

(far left: BIG TONY V., middle left: Marquel M. (worship pastor), middle right: Thomas "HITMAN" (youth pastor), far right: ME (aka. 80's Rambo man).

Finding Mentors

Mentor defined: a trusted friend, counselor or teacher, usually a more experienced person.  The student of a mentor is called a  protégé or mentoree.

We have a need in our current culture for next-generation mentoring.  Whether in schools, community centers, colleges, or churches, mentoring relationships is lacking, particularly, men mentoring men.

Think about a person in your life who has mentored you...who comes to mind? When I think about a person in my life who has mentored me, very few come to mind...which at times has been very painful for me. It is been said that through pain, passion is birthed.  I have lacked certain mentors in my life, however, I have decided to passionately embark on the mentoring process of the next-generation.

Think about a person in your life you are truly mentoring...who comes to mind?  As mentors, we bear the responsibility for providing emerging leaders with the things they cannot get on their own. Mentoring people will take a personal investment, and it requires our time, energy, and prayers. However, if we decide to pay the price to mentor someone it will all be worth it in the end, because, we will have the privilege to see that person go to a whole new level in their life.

Things to think about in a mentoring relationship:

• Cultivate a positive relationship. Don't always wait to be asked to mentor someone, extend yourself first, initiate the relationship.  Make a connection, find common ground, develop rapport, and see where you can add value into the person's life.

• Help them be more effective.  Help the person with encouragement, empowerment, resources--help them find the wins in their life!

• Develop their potential.  It has been said, "It's one thing to help people for your sake.  It's another thing to help them for their own sake."  Our job as a mentor is to connect withpeople, and help them become the individual what God desires them to be.

Many of the world's most successful people have benefited from having a mentor including:

• The Bible - Moses and Joshua
• Business people - Freddie Laker mentored Richard Branson
• Politicians - Aristotle mentored Alexander the Great
• Directors - Martin Scorsese mentored Oliver Stone at the New York University
• Actors - Mel Gibson mentored Heath Ledger
• Music - Johann Christian Bach mentored Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
• Athletes - Eddy Merckx (five-time Tour de France winner) mentored Lance Armstrong
• Soccer - Bobby Charlton mentored David Beckham
• Movies - Obi-wan Kenobi mentored Anakin Skywalker and his son Luke Skywalker

Adding or Subtracting?

"A gossip is one who talks to you about other people.  A bore is one who talks to you about himself.  And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself."  - William King

Have you ever been around people that had a way of "subtracting" from you?  On the other hand, have you been around people who "add" something to your life?  It seems as if those who add to us, draw us to them, and those who subtract, cause us to withdraw. Have you ever been around people who are constantly searching for ways to make themselves look good (they rarely give you their full attention, they are always talking about themselves, never asking questions about other people, rarely giving apappreciation or affirmation to others, etc.).  And conversely, there is nothing like being around those who search for ways to make others look and feel good (they give attention, affirmation, and appreciation to others).  I have been around both kinds of people in my life. 

I started to do some reflective thinking, and I challenged myself with the question, "Do I subtract or add to people'?"  I believe I am one who adds to people, however, I have also found myself spending time subtracting as well.  Things that subtract like tearing people down (gossip), and not always taking the time to give affirmation when I need to (how about starting at home?). 

I wonder what kind of environment we could create if we continually gave people the Triple A Treatment?  The Triple A Treatment consists of giving people--attention, affirmation, and appreciate within the first 30 seconds of contact with them...what positive, encouraging thing can I say to each person I will see today?  These kinds of questions are at the center of my heart lately.

How well do you give attention, affirmation, and appreciation to others?  And when you do, how do you do it?

Who are you mentoring?

I love movies about mentoring relationships. Good Will Hunting and Dead Poet's Society are two of my favorites mentoring movies. Other great mentoring movies: Finding Forrester, Freedom Writers, Mr. Holland's Opus, Karate Kid, and The Man without a Face.

Think for a moment the people that has invested in you?  I have had a few significant people invest in my life and leadership in my adult years.  However, I grew up with very few positive role models who really took the time to invest in my life.  What kind of perspective do I have now when it comes to investing in the lives of others?  A very good one.  Spending time and mentoring young leaders is a passion of mine (sometimes passion is birthed out of pain).  I have made a lifetime commitment to mentoring young leaders.  I have realized that mentoring takes time, listening, patience, and commitment.  I have also realized that when leaders are not mentoring younger leaders of tomorrow, your organization/business/church is headed for trouble.  Time and time again, research shows that mentoring works and really makes a difference. I believe it is a leaders job to breath life and passion into young leader's by encouraging them to Carpe Diem or Seize the Day.

Helpful Hints for Mentoring (from John Maxwell):

• Think about the people God has put in your life.  Make a list of the top five who have the potential to become good leaders.
• Pray about them, and observe them for awhile.
• Pay attention to their attitudes.  Look for conviction, courage, and obedience.
• You may need to do some low-intensity mentoring or teaching with them to identify the potential leader in the bunch.
• Once you have identified a protege, then dedicate yourself to mentoring that person to reach his/her potential.  Start building a relationship and pass on what you have learned (I would add-learn to be a good listener as well...not just do all the talking).