There are many meaningful and deep questions in life to answer. One of those "deep" questions is this, Who is my true self?
The pursuit to find meaning in what I do has confused my understanding of who I really am. The pursuit of recognition, status, popularity, and success has a way of enhancing, once again, what I do...not who I am.
Confession Time: I have found that pastors, clergy, and ministers have a way of hiding their true selves. How? Through their performance of ministry. Pastors can construct an identity tthrough sermons, books, storytelling, and upfront leadership. The more pastors invest in ministry success, the more the true self becomes an impostor (Thanks Brennan Manning). You take away a pastors pulpit, counseling chair, board room chair, and he has no idea who he really is (trust me, it happens more than you think).
For the last eight years or so, I have journeyed on the path of emotionally healthy spirituality. As I walk this new path of grace, and deal with issues of my past, I find myself becoming internally healthier and discovering who I am (the good, bad, and ugly).
Walking this path has allowed me to deal with who I really am, and deal with my issues. In return, I started to see the false-self which caused me to live in a delusion. For example, as I find my true self, I don't live in this delusion of needing to be needed and liked by everyone. I also find myself not looking for everyone to pat me on the back, recognize me, thank me, approve me, love me, like me, be my friend, and agree with me...so refreshing to walk away from codependency!
As Brennan Manning says, "Our false self stubbornly brings each of us to the light and truth of our own emptiness and hollowness. We cannot acknowledge the (pain) and darkness within...we have built life around achievements, success, busyness, and self-centered activities that bring gratification and praise from others...it is the nature of the false self to save us from knowing the truth of our real selves."
There are many people who refuse to be our true self with God-and others. There result is living in this kind of posture for a perid of time is dangerous. Then we wonder why we lack intimacy with God and others...we become hallow people...searching for acceptance, approval, and love, but never finding it!
I'm still on the journey...how about you?
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